MISSION BEACH,SAN DIEGO,CALIFORNIA,U.S.A,WHAT, A GREAT PLACE.
WE, HAD, ARRIVED, AT,OUR,MOTEL,A COUPLE OF MILES,AWAY, FROM, THE AIRPORT, AND, MET,UP, WITH,OUR, GREAT FRIENDS,
DOT,AND, RICK CATALANO,FROM, BOSTON,MASSACHUSSETS,THE NIGHT, BEFORE.
NOW,
WE, HAD, A DAY, TO,DO, THE TOURIST, THING, BEFORE, TAKING, THE CRUISE
SHIP, 'CARNIVAL DREAM', ON, AN, EIGHT, DAY, TRIP,DOWN,
TO,ACAPULCO,MEXICO.
THE,JANUARY, WEATHER, WAS,NOT,PARTICULARLY,WARM, BUT, IT, WAS, WAY,BETTER, THAN, THE SNOW, ICE, AND, COLD, OF, OLD ENGLAND,
AND, ANY, OPPORTUNITY, TO,WEAR, A HAWAIIAN SHIRT,WAS, ALWAYS, EXPLOITED, BY, ME, AND, RICK.
WE, HAD,ON,PREVIOUS, CRUISES, INVENTED,A GAME, OF, 'WORLD'S WORST SHIRT'...
LET, ME, EXPLAIN.NORMALLY,ON, VACATION, PEOPLE, ARE, A BIT,'RESERVED', ABOUT, THEIR, ATTIRE,AND, NEARLY, ALWAYS,
THE DUTIFUL,HUSBAND, WILL, GO, ALONG, WITH, THE WIFE'S,INFALLIBLE, CLOTHING,SELECTION,OR, SO, IT, WOULD, SEEM.
WHAT,
MOST, WIVES, DO,NOT, APPRECIATE, HOWEVER, IS,ALL,MALES, ARE,
INHERENTLY,BIG KIDS, AT, HEART, AND, ME, AND, RICK, WERE,OF, THE
SAME,MIND, WHEN, IT, CAME, TO,PLAYING, GAMES.
ON,ONE, OCCASION, RICK, HAD, WORN,A REALLY,GARISH, HAWAIIAN, SHIRT, TO, DINNER,WHICH, I, THOUGHT, WAS, THE,
COOLEST, THING, I, EVER, SAW.
NOT,
SO, DOT.SHE, ALMOST,HAD, A FIT, AND, COMPLAINED,AND, BADGERED, HER,
HUSBAND, TO, CHANGE, INTO, SOMETHING, MORE,'RESPECTABLE'.HE, REFUSED.
SENSING,
HIS, DISCOMFORT, I, MADE, AN, EXCUSE, TO, LEAVE, THE TABLE, RUSHED,
DOWN, TO, MY, CABIN, AND, CHANGED, INTO, THE BRIGHTEST, MOST, GARISH,
AND,UNSTYLISH, THING, I, COULD, FIND.
UPON, MY,RETURN, I, COMPLIMENTED, RICK, ON, HIS, EXCELLENT, CHOICE,OF, SHIRT, BUT, FOOLISHLY, MADE, THE COMMENT,
" I, AM, THE WORLD CHAMPION,BAD SHIRT,WEARER"....
RICK, OF, COURSE, BEING, AMERICAN, COULD, NOT, ACCEPT, THIS, LIMEY, UPSTART'S, CLAIM..AND, THE NEW GAME, WAS, BORN.
I,LOOK,
BACK,WITH, FONDNESS, AT, THE,DISAPPROVING,LOOKS, WE, GOT, OFF,OUR,
WIVES, AS, NIGHT, AFTER, NIGHT, WE, TRIED, TO,OUTDO, EACH OTHER, IN, BAD
TASTE, SHIRTS.
WE, THOUGHT, IT, WAS, HILARIOUS, BUT, THEN, THE MALE, SENSE, OF, HUMOUR, IS, I, THINK,SOMEWHAT, DIFFERENT, THAN, THE FEMALE.
WHEN, THAT, CRUISE, ENDED, WE, KEPT, IN, TOUCH, VIA, EMAIL, AND, I, DEVELOPED, A FICTIONAL,ORGANIZATION,ONLINE.
IT, WAS, CALLED, 'OUTRAGEOUS SHIRTS OF THE WORLD',AND, RICK, WENT, ALONG, WITH, IT, TO, THE FULLEST, EXTENT.
I, WOULD, INVENT,PANELS, OF, JUDGES, WHO, WOULD, MAKE, VARIOUS,DETAILED, COMMENTARY, ON, STYLE SELECTION.
THE
WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP, WOULD, BE, HELD, ON, THE NEXT, CRUISE, AND, ANYONE,
WOULD, BE ELIGIBLE,ALL, THEY, HAD, TO DO,WAS, WEAR, A REALLY TASTELESS,
SHIRT, ON BOARD, TO QUALIFY.WE, WOULD, WALK, AROUND, TAKING,
PHOTOS,AND, INCLUDE,
THEM, ON, THE 'OSOTW', WEBPAGE.
THE PRIZE, WAS, ONE DOLLAR.
AND, RICK, WON, THAT, DOLLAR, FOR, THE NEXT, FIVE,YEARS.
SADLY, RICK,DIED, OF, CANCER, BUT, I, AM, GRATEFUL, TO, DOT, FOR, SENDING, ME, ALL, HIS, WINNING, SHIRTS, I, ALWAYS, WEAR,
THEM, PROUDLY.
SAN
DIEGO, WAS, NOT,QUITE,WHAT, I, EXPECTED,IT, TO, BE, BEACH BOYS, AND
BUGGIES, AND,SURFER DUDES?..NO WAY.. IT, WAS, REAL, OLD SCHOOL
AMERICANA,IN,PLACES,WITH, A MIGHTY, DOLLOP,
OF, MEXICAN SALSA.
WE, WENT, TO, THE ZOO, AND, HAD, A GREAT, TIME,UNTIL, WE,TRIED, TO GET, A CAB, FROM, THERE,DOWN, TO, THE USMC,MUSEUM,
AND,
HAD, TO DISTURB, A BUNCH, OF, EASTERN EUROPEAN, CAB DRIVERS, WHO, WERE,
BUSY, PLAYING, SOME,KIND, OF, GAME, ON, THE HOOD, OF,ONE, OF, THEIR,
OVERPRICED, CABS.
THE DISGRUNTLED, DRIVER, DID, NOT, KNOW, HOW, TO,
GET, TO, THE MUSEUM,COULD, HARDLY,SPEAK ENGLISH, AND, WAS, GENERALLY,
UNPLEASANT.
SO, WE, CUT, SHORT, THE JOURNEY, AND, WENT, FOR, SOME,
EATS,BUT, NOT, BEFORE, I, TOLD, THE DRIVER, HE, WAS, A USELESS PRICK,
AND, SPELT, OUT, THE WORD, G-O-B-S-H-I-T-E, FOR, HIM, TO ASK, HIS,
TEACHER, ABOUT.
THE NACHOS AND DIPS, WERE, REAL TASTY,AND, AFTER, EATS, WE, MEANDERED, DOWN, TO, A PAVEMENT, BAR, NEAR, THE,
AIRCRAFT CARRIER, MUSEUM, AND,CHILLED, OUT, IN, THE AFTERNOON, SUN.
THIS ,BAR, WAS, PART, OF, AN, ENGLISH, HOTEL CHAIN, AND, THEY, SOLD,SOME, GREAT, CRAFT BEERS...
THEN,
THIS, WEIRD,GUY, ON, A BICYCLE, PEDDLED, UP,TOWARDS, US, PARKED, UP,
AND, STARED, AT, US.HE, WAS, WEARING, A SILVER JUMPSUIT, AND, A
MOTORCYCLE HELMET, DARK GLASSES, AND, HAD, BADGES, ALL, OVER,
HIS,MACHINE, ALONG, WITH, PENNANTS, FLYING, OF, RADIO, AERIALS,
ATTACHED, TO, HIS, BIKE.
HE, NEVER, SAID, A WORD,BUT, JUST, STARED, AND, PEDDLED, AWAY...EVEN, RICK, WAS, TAKEN, ABACK, BY, THIS, AND, SAID..
".........."...
DOT, AND,RICK...THE BEST PEOPLE..
ME, AND, RICK....MAN,I, MISS, HIM..
